Secrets The Crew Want Us To Know About (And Some They DON’T!)

It took some convincing to get cruise ship crew to open up about most things I’m going to talk about. In some cases, it was only by teasing it out from crew members that have recently given up life at sea and so were willing to share the more secretive things I am going to reveal.

As well as talking about serious things like the presence of cruise ship mafia, I’ll also share what crew really think about two big divisive issues amongst passengers (Towel animals and hiding of rubber ducks) but first, I wanted to get the inside track from crew on three issues and theories I have as a passenger about cabins. Starting with Guaranteed cabins.

Guaranteed Cabins

These are when you’ve booked a fare where you don’t choose your own cabin and the cruise line allocates one in the category booked. I always wondered how that works.

Crew told me that cabin allocation is normally done by a department known as Revenue Management. They’re the people that manage the overall cabin pricing, promotions, and allocation.

I also found that guaranteed cabin assignment is not random but based on an algorithm or system.

Loyalty club members are allocated cabins first. In order of their status, getting the available better-rated cabins. Better cabins being ones with good location, size, distance from known noisy areas, and so.

Apparently, couples are next in the priority list before solo travellers, while families they try to get clustered near kid-friendly areas.

Through this process they allocate cabins from best down to those with known issues. These include simple things like proximity to elevators, location under the pool deck, adjacent to noisy venues, next to crew service area doors, or ones that tend to receive more complaints.

This revelation seemed to confirm my belief that the crew know in detail cabins that have problems, but I have more specific proof from other crew members I spoke to.

Problem Cabins

Based on my experience when I’ve had problem cabins, I’ve always been of the view that cruise ships know about these from the way crew reacted when I complained.

One example was my last Azamara Quest cruise. I quickly discovered the cabin I had booked was underneath some sort of kitchen and service area for the buffet above. From around 4am there was loud rumbling noises of trolleys or equipment being moved around, that would continue during and after opening hours.

When I went to speak to Guest Services about it, without having to explain the issue, as soon as I said my cabin number and that I had an issue, I could see they clearly knew about it and offered me an alternative cabin immediately. This has happened on other trips with real problem cabins on other lines too.

Talking to crew some told me on their ships they had an internal document, which is called the “Noise Map” or the “Problem Map” with any cabin on every deck that has a known issue. These problems are mostly noise-related, like engine vibration, from public venues, or even a structural issue that’s causing noise.

One crew member who worked on Norwegian says a known issue is Deck 14 forward cabins that are under the outdoor sports complex where the racetrack operates causing a steady vibration and noise. They know that they will get complaints on most cruises and will move people if anything is available, but they wait for people to raise it.

If you ever contact guest services with an issue, they know from that “Noise Map” if there’s a problem. It is not a public list, and they will never acknowledge it.

Related to this, is also something cabin related that I wondered about regarding maintenance issues, having seen very variable ways on how it gets dealt with. What I discovered from crew members was revealing, and helpful.

Cabin Issues & Maintenance

First, they told me there is a best time of the day to report a maintenance issue, be it an air conditioning, bathroom, balcony door, or whatever issue.

It seems the worst time to report a non-urgent issue is between 5pm and 8pm, as the maintenance team are likely to be caught up with maintenance issues related to dinner, drinks and entertainment activities which get priority. It’s busy and they are unlikely to get to any maintenance issues in a cabin quickly.

The best time to report a maintenance issue is between 8am and 11am. The crew tell me this is because guests are having breakfast, going off on excursions or into the port, and it’s their quietest time.

On some ships the maintenance team crew say that can often get to your issue in as little as 15 minutes but will be hours potentially during peak time.

I saw that on my recent Holland America Zuiderdam trip with an air conditioning control issue. I had reported it at 9am, and they were there and had it sorted it by 9:20am.

Crew said there were two other key things to know.

First, be extremely specific when reporting a maintenance issue. So don’t just say, “I’ve got a problem with my air conditioning” but say the actual issue is as much detail as possible. I had done that. So, they then come well-equipped, knowing exactly what to do, and what likely tools and parts they should bring.

Second, when you report an issue to Guest Services, not only do they log it, but they allocate a priority. So, they decide the priorities and how quickly it will likely get seen to.

On most ships it seems to be, “Level One” if they see it as a safety issue or you’ve got no water, and they feel it needs immediate response. “Level Two” is if they see it as a more comfort issue, like air conditioning and these are likely to be seen as okay to address in a couple of hours. “Level Three” is if what they see as cosmetic issues, so perhaps some furniture is damaged, or something is not working quite right. This is seen as fine to take at least up to a day.

So, crew say it’s important when you report it to explain in detail and hopefully get your issue a level one or level two priority.

Another remarkable thing the crew spoke about is the cruise ship mafia

Cruise Ship Mafia

The cruise ship mafia is not quite as we know it from films like The Godfather. It isn’t organised crime at sea or secret gangs running ships. It’s something more human — and more interesting.

With 1,000 to 2,000 crew members, from 40 or more nationalities, all living and working together for months at a time, they naturally form tight networks that are usually nationality-based.

With entire galley teams, housekeeping teams, and bar teams often from or dominated by one country, they form a close-knit network, perhaps Filipinos or Indonesians, that look out for each other, make things happen, can influence decisions, and sometimes even quietly influence career opportunities on board.

This can even help us as passengers too.

If you have an issue, it may be that a crew member you speak to may know someone in their group, a roommate, friend, or someone they hang out with off duty that could solve your problem.

For example, I once had a broken suitcase, and Guest Services said it wasn’t something the ship could help with. I mentioned it to my stateroom attendant, and he said he could get it fixed as a Filipino handyman friend in his group had fixed one before for another guest.

They may be able to help you through their contacts, get you into show that’s sold out, an excursion you missed out, or any other problems.

I also discovered in talking to crew, that several also had a second hidden job behind the scenes. I found this out when my Cabin Steward had a haircut and found it was by a crew member that I also knew that moonlighted as a hairdresser behind the scenes after hours.

Various crew members have alternative jobs and ways of earning extra money behind the scenes.

But, what about crew attitudes to towel animals and rubber ducks I mentioned at the start?

Towel Animals And Hiding Ducks

On my recent Holland America Zuiderdam cruise I posted pictures and video clips of a sprawling towel animal zoo the crew had set up on the pool deck, and of towel animals left in my cabin.

Many people commenting on the posts were against these, arguing crew are so busy, looking after between 20 to 25 cabins, that getting them to make towel animals on top of that is wasteful and unnecessary. So, I spoke to crew members about this, and I was surprised about their view on the topic.

One I spoke to said that they have made around 4,000 towel animals in their career so far, with a monkey taking 2 minutes, elephant 90 seconds, and a swan around 45 seconds, so this is the one they make when they’re running behind schedule.

Do they mind making them?

Most said that I while making them is not huge fun and repetitive, but the excited and joyful reactions they get to them, particularly on cruise lines with children, makes the effort worthwhile.

They also get motivated by adults who congratulate them, photograph and share them on social media and, in their experience, does help encourage people to leave gratuities while thanking them for the towel animals at the end of the cruise.

Personally, I worry it takes up a lot of time, and so I mention to crew not to bother if they start making them, something the crew I spoke to encourage people to do if they don’t want them.

How do they feel about the trend of passengers hiding rubber ducks around the ship for others to find?

The crew I spoke to were divided on this.

While agreeing it is a fun, charming activity, and some collect them to take home to their kids, it creates additional work as they have to monitor and remove them if left in food areas, places that may be a safety risk, could encourage passengers to enter restricted or crew areas to find them, or risk damaging areas of the ship, which is why Royal Caribbean banned them in the Central Park area on their ships as cruisers were trampling plants to leave and seek them.

Crew on some lines are required to look out and remove them, for example on Disney as they are seen as being disruptive and potential safety hazards for children.

 

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